You know, I’ve never been one to moan and grown about getting older. I’ve lived to get older since I was a little boy. I’ve always felt good about the kind of life I led because, despite not having attained certain things that society said I should have attained by any certain age, I had a lot of other things to compensate.
Lately, I don’t feel like that. My life has come to drastically existential point propelled by losing my job at Borders. It sounds so, dumb, to have put so much of oneself in a job like that but, sadly, I did. I don’t regret it because I enjoyed it and, for what it was worth, it was a notch above other retail jobs.
Lately, as I search for jobs. I find myself unwilling to be complacent about what I do but unable to assume the path I truly want. It’s not that I feel jobs are beneath me but, I am just unable to take things in stride. I want my life and the things I do in it to be meaningful. I had that but, now, I don’t.
I feel my age because I feel like I’m forced to start my life over again and I lack that same drive that I used to have when I was younger. My mindset is aggravated by being around so many younger folk who still have that drive and still see their future ahead of them as nothing buy awesomness.
I know a lot of this mindset is brought on by being unemployed or, marginally employed, and all that but I just can’t help it. I feel like an old dog trying to learn new tricks in a show I’m not familiar with.
How do you start over? I’ve always loved change but, it was always a feeling of moving forward. Right now, it doesn’t feel that way. If feels like I’ve come to the end of a road and don’t know where else to go.
Sigh, whatevs.
